Healthy Living

“If a woman is in an abusive situation, why doesn’t she just leave?” This is the question most commonly asked when anyone hears the heartbreaking accounts of domestic violence victims. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, and the statistics are horrifying:

• One in 5 female high school students is physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
• More than 3 million people a year will call a domestic violence hotline to escape crises or seek advice.
• 5 million to 10 million children every year are victims of or witnesses to domestic violence.
• A woman is abused by her partner every 15 seconds in the United States.

I took the opportunity to talk to the staff at Safe Futures, formerly The Women’s Center of SE CT, to gain some insight and perspective on this sad situation. The mission of Safe Futures is to provide support, counseling, crisis intervention and emergency shelter for victims of both domestic violence and sexual assault in Southeastern Connecticut.

Catherine Zeiner is the executive director, and Emma Palzere-Rae is the director of Development and Communications. They frequently encounter the question about why an abused woman doesn’t just leave the situation, and admit there is no easy answer to this. Fear is the #1 reason women remain in their home and endure the abuse. There are as many obstacles to leaving as there are individuals; and again they are fear-related: does she have money to leave? Will he take her children away? Will he find her and make it worse? Will I lose everything I know and have?

These fears are well-founded. One more sobering statistic is that three women in the United States are killed every day at the hands of a current or former intimate partner. It is proven that the 72 hours following leaving are the most dangerous for the victim.

But there is help in southeastern Connecticut through Safe Futures. In Norwich, they have a new counseling center located at 241 Main St., where people can make an appointment to speak with a Safe Futures counselor.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that can include physical abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse. This problem is so pervasive in our society that chances are we know someone who has been in an abusive situation, or that we suspect is currently in one.

A relevant message here is taken from a Safe Futures handout, “How to help a friend.”

• Be patient. It may take some time before the person feels comfortable talking about it.
• Be non-judgmental.
• Tell them you believe them.
• Give them professional resources to call or contact, like Safe Futures. The 24-hour hotline is 860-701-6000.
• Encourage them to do outside activities with family and friends.
• Remember that you cannot rescue them.
• Let them know you care about them, and that you are concerned for their safety.
• Let the person know the abuse is not their fault.

For more information, visit www.SafeFuturesCT.org